Belle Blog

Yo,
Thanks for the card. 23 was a bloody terrible year. Thank God its over. although I’m not 24 hasn’t really excited me yet. As a matter of fact I was completely blacked out for the first three hours of 24. I vaguely remember people singing happy Birthday to me and everything after that for the following three hours is a complete mystery to me. normally I think thats good for people. to have that much ridiculous fun on their birthday, only they shouldn’t be at work when it happens.
I was at work. I was a very very Dirty Pirate Mouth at work wandering around drunk like a lost penguin. just waddling around. Apparently they kept losing me too, kept sending out search parties.
It was good stuff. Good solid stuff. I guess. I’m assuming.
Don’t tell my boss.

But the best is yet to come!!!!
My birthday present to myself is MARDI GRAS!!
I will see all you motherfuckers next sunday.
I’m working the night shift Saturday, and going straight from the bar at 5am to the airport. Laura picks me up 9:30 then we all go straight to Big D’s St. Charles cook out to get ready for Bachus.
If I remember any of it I will certainly tell you how it goes.
so, no bingo next week.
I have to go to New Orleans. YAY!!

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman’s Day.
Remember this motto to live by:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally
worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

I am master of my own domain.
Had my test for green belt today. Took lots of time to prepare and wasted all of it by doing late night the night before. and i don’t get off work till 5 am, so late night is like 8 or 9. I know it was stupid but I had to get some. Somehow I made it to the test, which was ridiculously harder than I imagined. and suddenly I was hung over. But I survived, kept pushing, tried not to throw up. and just envisioned fighting my way to my bed. something must have went right because my master double promoted me.
yes, that’s right. i said double promoted. read it again mothafucker. savor it. I am the only one. I am rewarded for my ablility to party like a rockstar and then kick your mom’s alcoholic ass.
I impress myself. He has promoted me half way to black belt and I haven’t even been there six months. I am a warrior. but like all superheros there is kryptonite. and mine is cold weather.

and right now there is a blizzard in New York City.

you can’t punch snow…
even kicking it is not satisfying. ..

So…I’m trying to quit smoking this week. or, this week I am trying to quit smoking.
as far as the nicotine factor is concerned I’m doing okay. In the past five days I have only had of one a half cigarettes. mainly drags off of people. so, for having smoked over half my little life, that ain’t half bad.
But if you ask my roommate she suggests that I start again immediately because I am a raging bi-polar bitching maniac who attacks everything in my radius when I am not smoking.
I mean, I was throwing shit around the house ya’ll! Breaking shit, lecturing, yelling… I can’t even stand myself when I’m not smoking. I’m a fucking bitch! I went to Tae Kwon Doe six times this week and I still want to punch people. Fuck the mothafucka who fucks with me this week.

But, so, that is the good news in my life. The bad news right now is that I might not be able to make it down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras after all. I will try, but I got cast in some east side show and might be in rehearsal. Booo.. I love New Orleans. The whole country should celebrate Mardi Gras!!

On Political Correctness in Universities:

” …The purpose of a liberal education is to enable young people to transcend the unique circumstances of their individual lives and become rational creatures capable of thinking for themselves. Universities aren’t there to hold up mirrors to students, affirming their identity as women or homosexuals or African-Americans. They’re there to challenge them, to teach them that these arbitrary facts about themselves are irrelevant when it comes to answering the most important question of all: How to lead a good life?”

Toby Young in “How to lose friends and alienate people” paraphrasing Tocqueville.

Superdome may have found a sponsor.

A true Louisianan
Here are some ways to know if you’re a true Louisianan…

1. You can properly pronounce Lecompte, Lafayette, Bossier,
Natchitoches,
Opelousas, Shongaloo, Tangipahoa, Pontchartrain, Avoyelles, Picayune,
Lafourche, Ouachita, and Atchafalaya, and you know that New Orleans
doesn’t have a long sound anywhere in it.
2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are
sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and
look
for a funnel.
4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on
the
highway.
5. You’ve ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined
by
the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
7. Stores don’t have bags, they have sacks.
8. You’ve seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.
9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
10. You measure distance in minutes.
11. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
12. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the
ocean.
13. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
14. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
15. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their
wedding
date.
16. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your
fist.
17. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a
four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other
go
first.
18. You aren’t surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, beer, and
bait
all in the same store.
19. Your place at the lake has wheels under it.
20. A Mercedes Benz isn’t a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended
Bed
Crew Cab is.
21. You know everything goes better with ‘Ranch’.
22. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
23. You actually get these jokes and are fixin’ to send them to your
friends.
Finally, you are 100% Louisianan if you have ever had this
conversation:
“You wanna coke?” “Yeah.” “What kind?” “Dr Pepper.”

Amanda, Michael, can someone out there please come to New York temporarily and help me out.
Everytime I light up a cigarette can you try to burn me with it?

I Want to quit smoking GODDAMNIT!
Help help.

*cough*

This is what I got out of the State of the Union….

turns out the President is republican,
the country’s at war,
Bush’s sense of humor is drying out into beef jerky as it is suffocating under mad loathing for bad press and hippies.
CBS has a much clearer signal in my house,
drinking during politics is fun just like Shawn said it would be,
I can use the state of the union as a come on with my new man,
Ray nagin wore a bow tie to the event (did i get that right or was i drunk) ?!?! ,
Iran is stupid and evil,
we are a generous nation,
you still have to get the Price is Right number wheel all the way around for it to count.

somethings you can always count on.